"OWNING OUR STORY AND LOVING OURSELVES THROUGH THAT PROCESS IS THE BRAVEST THING THAT WE WILL EVER DO." - Brene Brown
Each one of us has a gift, each one of us has a light inside us so bright that we could light up the entire universe on our own, if we were willing to see our own beauty.
When I look back on my life, I can so clearly see that everything that has happened to me happened for a good reason and a greater good. Every bit of abuse, every bit of bullying, every bit of neglect happened for a reason. Nothing was personal! That realisation was the game changer for me.
Now everything makes sense to me and inside of my heart I feel gratitude, understanding and inspiration because of the life I have lived and how I have overcome my challenges and problems. I now view "problems" as lessons and I welcome the lesson, when and if a new one arises. I have understanding, compassion and love for my shadow side, and no longer reject it. I embrace my strengths and weaknesses and I feel deep respect for myself and love. And I feel the same for others, because I can see their struggle because I have been there too. It was not always like this though, it has been a long journey of self awareness and being prepared to own my story, good and bad, the whole entire package that is me.
I used to reject myself all the time and I used to judge myself all the time, I was my own worst enemy because I was trying so hard to strive for my idea of perfection, in the hopes that I will be lovable if I could be better than I was, because who I was was only ever abused. I was living with echoes from my upbringing telling me that it is vain and arrogant to know my own strengths and very weak to admit to my flaws. So for a long time I was defensive when my flaws reared their heads and I hid the truth of my own brilliance. I forced myself to be below average, yet at the same time was trying to be perfect. I was a walking confused, contradiction in mountains of pain. I hated my story and I was so ashamed of the life I lived because I never seemed to be able to get it together. I just couldn't live up the the picture I had created in my head.
Through the striving for my idea of perfection it led me to be a person who really lives my values, and through learning and growing and maturity I started viewing my life with my own eyes and not the eyes of society and my family. I have learnt that the idea of perfection in my head is an illusion
because everything is perfect just as it is, me included. I have learnt that when we create an idea of perfection it is always unattainable. It causes us to judge ourselves and beat up on ourselves. We never live up to our crazy expectations, because we are always moving the goal post and get into the habit of putting emphasis on our failures, and not on the beauty inside of us. We are always a victim to our inner judge and never move past it.
For me dropping my judge and my victim attitude was the best thing I have ever done! It is not gone completely, because I am human. But I can say that it doesn't dominate me and control my life anymore. The more awareness that I have brought to it, the more it has dissolved. It has given me the understanding of taking responsibility for absolutely every aspect of my life, even the things which appear to be out of my control, I own them, and grow from them. I now put emphasis on the beauty inside me and the amazing woman I am and the gift I have to share with others. I have done this by embracing both my shadow and my light and having deep compassion for myself. Now I see the light inside of others, because I see that we are all apart of the same journey. I believe in the light inside every single person on this planet, because we are all one, and I am not different from anyone else. If I can do it, so can you! I urge you to embrace all of you, good and bad, and see what happens if you give yourself a break and love yourself rather than judge yourself. Change will not be immediate, but if you can do this, change will come, but you have to take the first step.
With much love
Rosemarie
P.S I am posting the blog early this week because I am going away for few days to see my most wonderful oldest Son and beautiful friends, so I would rather be early than late with the blog.
P.P.S I would to say that I am so thankful and grateful to everyone that reads my blog, I would be over the moon if you left a comment for me to give me feedback or share your story with me.
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